[Under the pretense of sharing a secret, what is a lady to do? Sholmes leans in closer, of course, unhooking their arms just long enough to cup a hand to the side of his face, whispering conspiratorially.]
Well, it may be improper for me to share, but I feel as though I am safe in telling you. While I was getting dressed for our outing today, I found myself in a very difficult predicament. This dress was built for a certain... body type, shall we say. One that is fuller in certain areas of which I am not naturally inclined.
[The boobs. He's talking about the boob area.]
So I conjured up a trick to make the fabric fit a little more snugly. Do you want to know what it was?
[Sholmes leans in even more, smile tilting up at the corners.]
I stuffed a pair Miss Jiang Yanli's steamed buns down the front of my dress. One on each side. I am walking about with food beneath these fabrics, Mr Juzo, so that the garment does not droop while we walk. Please appreciate the lengths I will go to for your sake.
But you may as well be saying it to her with your body language. Honestly!
[HOOKS THEIR ARMS TOGETHER AGAIN]
This is for your own good, so steel yourself! Irene will be returning in a few seconds’ time, and she will be inclined to lean her lovely head against your shoulder as your beachside trek continues onward. I may as well warn you about it now!
[Stubborn as he is, Sholmes just continues to hold his arm out expectantly.]
I admit that it utterly confounds me to guess at what you could be so afraid of. Do you think I will bite? Or try to suddenly ravage you in the sand? This is but a short, mildly flirtatious stroll.
It is simple. I am trying to deduce where the problem lies. You balk at a beautiful stranger paying fond attention to you — but is the reaction the same when it is little more a common, familiar face? And if so, then I suspect the issue is not a matter of flustered embarrassment, or social clumsiness when it comes to romantic endeavors, but rather the very concept of physical intimacy on the whole. Even if it is only between friends.
[ It is still probably a matter of embarrassment or clumsiness, at least somewhat, but the rest of that... what is it with people lately? Not for the first time today, he feels like someone has seen right through him, to some truth that he didn't even know about until it was pointed out.
He turns away, shoving his hands in his pockets. ]
I'm built for war, Herlock. Not romance, and definitely not intimacy. Whatever people think they want from me, I can't give it to 'em. And if I had somethin' like that before I became... this, it was lost along with the rest of my memories.
[—is his only reply for a lingering moment, turning that response over in his head. But then he shuffles purposefully into Juzo’s periphery, not allowing him to turn away completely.]
What you were built for should not override what you want, my friend. Now, I hardly have the right to say whether or not you should desire romantic pursuits in the first place, but it is a shame to hear you restrict yourself in such a way. You have a kind, caring heart and an indomitable spirit. You have as much to offer a partner as anyone else I know, at least where it counts the most.
[ As much as he'd like to look away again, and keep looking away, something about Sholmes' sincerity catches him an holds him there. It sits entirely at odds with the situation, the ridiculousness of the other man's garb and the part he'd been playing a moment ago, but the absurdity doesn't seem to register. ]
I've made peace with a lot of things about myself, but that's the one thing I can't seem to reconcile.
[It is ridiculous, but Sholmes thrives in ridiculousness, in performative displays that obscure his true deliberations. He is just allowing sincerity to bubble out from beneath its usual hiding place — that, and he feels comfortable enough in a dress that he hardly gives it a second thought. It is just but another set of clothes.]
Maybe someday you will be able to.
[And yet it is not his place to force him into one decision or another. This “date” was meant for acclimation, not for undoing a more deeply held insecurity that Sholmes could not account for.]
…ah, well. With this new data, I think we should re-contextualize this outing. Irene Adler is not your date, but rather your client, and she does not—
[He slips a hand into the ruffles of his dress, removing his pipe and a lighter in an almost comedic fashion. This dress holds many secrets, apparently.]
—care enough about appearances to avoid smoking entirely.
[Obviously this is just an excuse to smoke; Juzo can enjoy the very odd contrast of a pristine Victorian lady puffing out the occasional billow of smoke.]
[ The pipe is ultimately what lets the sheer ridiculousness of the situation settle in. Juzo is quiet for a moment, wondering just how the hell he got here, with this man of all people.
... And then he has the small realization that he's glad it's this man of all people. ]
Heh.
How about we drop the act altogether? Sorry you got all dressed up for nothin'.
[He grins, his words a little clumsy because he’s still lighting his pipe. But then once it’s puffing away properly, the lighter once again disappears into the folds of his dress.]
I shall tell you another secret, and one less embarrassing for you to hear. I quite enjoy dressing up as the opposite sex — I become nigh unrecognizable, and there is no better way to escape the sometimes unwanted attention back in London. I can take stroll down the street without being assailed!
So no apologies needed. I had fun, even if it was brief.
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I-- I'm not really one for dressin' up fancy.
[ Besides, he has a bad habit of destroying his clothes. ]
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Oh, I don't know. I think I could find you something very fitting.
[The parasol twirls again as he guides them across the beach.]
Speaking of very fitting, would you like to hear a secret, Mr Inui?
[Yes, he's going to squeeze an Echidna quest into this date, fight him.]
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Even pretending this is a job isn't helping him as much as he'd hoped it would. ]
I suppose so?
[ He doesn't sound very sure of that. ]
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Well, it may be improper for me to share, but I feel as though I am safe in telling you. While I was getting dressed for our outing today, I found myself in a very difficult predicament. This dress was built for a certain... body type, shall we say. One that is fuller in certain areas of which I am not naturally inclined.
[The boobs. He's talking about the boob area.]
So I conjured up a trick to make the fabric fit a little more snugly. Do you want to know what it was?
[Sholmes leans in even more, smile tilting up at the corners.]
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I stuffed a pair Miss Jiang Yanli's steamed buns down the front of my dress. One on each side. I am walking about with food beneath these fabrics, Mr Juzo, so that the garment does not droop while we walk. Please appreciate the lengths I will go to for your sake.
1/
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You cannot say that to a lady’s face! And while you are on a date, at that! I will pretend poor Ms Adler did not hear this incivility from you!
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[HOOKS THEIR ARMS TOGETHER AGAIN]
This is for your own good, so steel yourself! Irene will be returning in a few seconds’ time, and she will be inclined to lean her lovely head against your shoulder as your beachside trek continues onward. I may as well warn you about it now!
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Would you stop it?! This isn't helping anything!
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I admit that it utterly confounds me to guess at what you could be so afraid of. Do you think I will bite? Or try to suddenly ravage you in the sand? This is but a short, mildly flirtatious stroll.
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[ UGH. He feels so stupid for this whole thing. ]
It makes me uncomfortable. Always has. I appreciate what you're tryin' to do for me, but it's not gonna change anything.
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And if it were Herlock Sholmes asking to take your arm instead of Irene Adler, would the result be the same?
[His brain is trying to tweak and pry at the variables here. Trying to tease out a compromise.]
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I don't know.
What's this matter to you, anyway?
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He turns away, shoving his hands in his pockets. ]
I'm built for war, Herlock. Not romance, and definitely not intimacy. Whatever people think they want from me, I can't give it to 'em. And if I had somethin' like that before I became... this, it was lost along with the rest of my memories.
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[—is his only reply for a lingering moment, turning that response over in his head. But then he shuffles purposefully into Juzo’s periphery, not allowing him to turn away completely.]
What you were built for should not override what you want, my friend. Now, I hardly have the right to say whether or not you should desire romantic pursuits in the first place, but it is a shame to hear you restrict yourself in such a way. You have a kind, caring heart and an indomitable spirit. You have as much to offer a partner as anyone else I know, at least where it counts the most.
What a disservice to think otherwise.
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I've made peace with a lot of things about myself, but that's the one thing I can't seem to reconcile.
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Maybe someday you will be able to.
[And yet it is not his place to force him into one decision or another. This “date” was meant for acclimation, not for undoing a more deeply held insecurity that Sholmes could not account for.]
…ah, well. With this new data, I think we should re-contextualize this outing. Irene Adler is not your date, but rather your client, and she does not—
[He slips a hand into the ruffles of his dress, removing his pipe and a lighter in an almost comedic fashion. This dress holds many secrets, apparently.]
—care enough about appearances to avoid smoking entirely.
[Obviously this is just an excuse to smoke; Juzo can enjoy the very odd contrast of a pristine Victorian lady puffing out the occasional billow of smoke.]
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... And then he has the small realization that he's glad it's this man of all people. ]
Heh.
How about we drop the act altogether? Sorry you got all dressed up for nothin'.
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[He grins, his words a little clumsy because he’s still lighting his pipe. But then once it’s puffing away properly, the lighter once again disappears into the folds of his dress.]
I shall tell you another secret, and one less embarrassing for you to hear. I quite enjoy dressing up as the opposite sex — I become nigh unrecognizable, and there is no better way to escape the sometimes unwanted attention back in London. I can take stroll down the street without being assailed!
So no apologies needed. I had fun, even if it was brief.
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big ol' gaa2 spoilers for you stalkers out there
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